Title: Ianto Jones know he's not a hero, he's just a survivor
Author:: morgia
Warning: angst, maybe you need tissues
Pairing : Ianto/Lisa Ianto/Jack
Spoilers: Hum, a little bit of Fragment, but a lot of Cyberwoman
Summary: The Ianto's life after Canary Wharf
Disclaimer: heuu, really, believe me I don't know them.
Notes: So, ok, well this is my second Torchwood fic. I really try to wrote something happy with Ianto, but my inspiration was not agree. I think Ianto past is fascinating, very mysterious. I tried my best to wrote something about his life part and I hope you gonna appreciated my point of view. Bonne lecture
Beta: the fabulous
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just_being_me08
Ianto Jones know he’s not a hero, he’s just a survivor
The fire, all around him, like being in a storm. He has to fight with himself to not let the panic suffocate him. The screams, he can’t hear anything else. The horror is so big, it’s like all the screams are only one voice. The fear, that paralyzes his legs, that gives him bile in his throat. He has to focus, he can’t be weak. The corpses, everywhere, like a college dormitory. But, they don’t sleep, they are dead, all dead. The lover, she’s somewhere alive, he wants to believe it, he needs to anchor a little piece of happiness in this nightmare. Lisa, her body is broken like a rag doll, her voice is weak like a soft rain, she's whispering his name. Ianto Jones is alive. He doesn't know why, but he swears to god he will save her.
Suffering, the unconsciousness moment is a part of heaven for her. Lisa is alive, but she’s like an open wound. Crying, when her beautiful eyes are open he can see the sea, but is not a view of joy, it’s all the tears that are not falling yet on her soft face. Praying, when he takes her hand and comforts her like an eternal prayer. He prays sometimes for a miracle, for her recovery, for her death. Surviving, each day are like walking in a dark tunnel without any promise of light. He has to find a better place for her and Torchwood three is perfect. He’s heard about the famous Jack Harkness. Ianto Jones will do everything and anything to save Lisa. If he has to, he will betray himself for her.
The flirt, he knows how to seduce someone. A little smile, a side look, hips slowly touching the other man’s body to get the desired effect. He knows how to flirt, but he doesn’t know how to stop. The game, the man is gorgeous, he finds it easy to seduce him and be charming in return. He doesn’t admit it, but he likes Jack’s attention. He says it’s harassment, but he thinks it’s a pleasure that gives him shivers of desire. The kiss, always been reserved for only her, now shared with him. The culpability, when Jack hands caress his body and he likes it, when he smiles to Lisa with the smell of Jack still under his skin. Ianto Jones wants to be somebody else and Jack gives him that opportunity.
Kissing, savouring the flavour of his lips like a juicy peach. Touching, caressing his body with strong hands to be certain that it all belongs to him. Smelling, that pure fragrance of desire and lust that transcends in his skin. Looking, the beauty of his perfect buttocks, the curves of his hips, the shade that dances for a few moments in his eyes when an orgasm blazes through him. Feeling, the powerful sensation to be alive when he taking him to the edge, when his mind explodes with his name on his lips; Jack... Falling, like being in a waterfall when he leaves his arms after making love. Losing, to be left behind in the darkness when the emptiness is the only presence around him. Ianto Jones doesn’t deserve happiness, he’s an impostor, he’s supposed to be dead.
The lies, he always has to lie to someone, Jack, Lisa, his teammates, himself. The confusion, he’s not even sure who he is anymore; A lover, a hero or just a slut. Every time he sees his reflection in the mirror he sees the stranger who took his life. The sadness, it’s always around him, it scrutinizes everything he has done, it grips at his throat barely letting enough oxygen in for breathing. The loneliness, alone when he’s with others, taking their shit, smiling and being polite with everyone of them. Alone when he gives Lisa her medication, when he stands beside her silently trying to be strong. Although, some times, Ianto Jones dreams to be somewhere else.
Fuming, the fire that blazes inside him, the same fire that burned through Canary Wharf before. His anger is like a monster who always is at his side, waiting impatiently for the chance to devour him. Screaming, it hurts him to always have to fake his happiness. When he can’t manage his shit life any longer, he goes deep down into the basement and screams to hell, until sobs are only thing that can pass out of his mouth. Hoping, some nights when Jack sleeping breaths caress his neck, Ianto dreams about an other life. He know he shouldn’t, but some time he hopes Jack will save the day and end his nightmare. Resigning, his life is not what he wanted, but he still loves her. So every moment of his life is a fight against his lost dreams. He knows he doesn’t have a choice, so he raises his head and he carries on. Ianto Jones has dignity and nobody can take it from him.
“Ianto! Would you work some coffee magic? ” Says Jack, his hands together like a prayer.
Ianto turns around with a quick half smile on his face. He will do everything for her.
Fin
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