morgia | The show must go on

Title: The show must go on
Pairing: Jack/Ianto , the team
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Cyberwoman
Disclaimer: No, I don't know them
Warning: ansgt
Summary: Ianto return after his suspension ,
Notes: Ok, soooo Queen is a group that I adore, and when I listened this song, I thought about Ianto. My so gorgeous beta approved this fic, so I have the courage to updated........ Hope you will enjoy! Thanks so much to read and comment ;) Like always, there is free hug at anyone who need some !!!
Beta: just_being_me08

master list

The show must go on

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...

The door opens with a cranky noise in an empty tourist office. The only light in the place are the rays of the sunshine outside. He closes the door, walks into the back room; the glow of the safety light is the only luminosity he has for guiding his steps. But, Ianto Jones doesn’t need light to walk in the darkness. He knows the way too well. It had been a week now since he returned from his suspension. He puts on the lights, takes off his coat, opens the mail, listens to the messages taped onto the voice mail, replies to some important e-mails, cleans up the garbage, arranges the maps and the leaflets for future tourists and sighs. A new day begins.

Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore

He knows he has to join the others; they will certainly be waiting for their coffees. He closes his eyes, clenches his teeth, sighs profoundly and fixes his tie. With trembling fingers, he pushes the button to open the secret door. His eyes lock onto the frame, in front of him the scene plays out slowly, the same act like a nightmare that never ends.....

“If she’s still alive, you execute her.”

“No way.”

“You brought this down on us. You hid her. You hid yourself from us. Now it’s time for you to stand as part of the team.”

“Jack…..”

“The girl you loved has gone. Your loyalty is to us now.”

“You can’t order me to do that.”

“You execute her, or I’ll execute you both.”

She’s gone, he’s alive, but the emptiness he feels inside is worse than death. The pain never disappears; it’s just a constant presence that always walks at his side. But Ianto Jones is a strong man, he never shows emotion, he has to be brave. So he closes his heart, stands proudly and walks through the secret door. Another day begins and Ianto Jones is ready.

The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

When he enters in the hub giggle drifts through the air. For a moment he hesitates, stopping. He knows it’s ridiculous, the world has not stopped just because he has fallen into the gloom, but this crystal noise is like an offense. Not far away from him, he watches Gwen and Owen play their ‘Ohhh look at me, I’m here and I want you but I don’t want anybody to have suspicions so I fake that I don’t have desire for you’ game. He knows he doesn’t have the right to be angry; all that happened was his fault. Life has to continue, maybe the shadows dance around him, but he has to carry on. With a smile he walks beside his teammates and to the kitchenette. The smell of coffee comforts him, some things are immutable and its better this way.

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?

His fingers firmly grasp the tray; as he walks around the place giving out the coffees. He knows how to stave off his madness from the others, so he puts a smile on his face, keeps silent the screams inside his mind and carries on with his duties. He places a cup on Owen’s desk; the man doesn’t even take the time to look at him. Ianto Jones doesn’t care. He places another cup onto Gwen’s desk and she smiles with embarrassment. He smiles in return; the darkness disappearing for a moment. It’s only a smile, but he wants to believe in all the little attentions that could bring him back to the surface. He finally places a cup on Toshiko’s desk and she looks him directly in the eye. She puts her hand on his arm and squeezes softly. For a moment the pain flies away and he feels so alive. The happiness is fleeting. She’s turn around to her computer and the darkness rocks him again. But his smile still stays on, he knows he doesn’t have the right to, but he wants to believe that someone could save him. He raises his head and looks to Jack’s office; the last coffee, his last duty, his last broken dream.

I guess I'm learning (I'm learning learning learning)
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning (turning turning turning)
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free

He climbs the stairs to the office. He sighs, he has to be strong, and there is no place for his emotions. Ianto Jones has no right to dream, redemption never comes for a guilty man. So he closes his heart, stands proudly and walks through the office door.

The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah yeah
Ooh, inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

Silently, he enters the office and puts the coffee cup onto the desk. ‘Jack…… Can you save me?....’ Inside the pain is like a storm, the screams hurt his ears, but his face is like a porcelain doll.

“Magic coffee and Ianto Jones… what a wonderful way to begin the day!”

“It’s my pleasure sir.”

‘Jack… can you even see me?....’

He has to restrain himself to not fall on his knees in front of Jack and beg for the end, for the light, for a miracle. For a moment, his mind flies away; he imagines a life without pain, a place where the shadows are not waiting to devour his soul.

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on (go on, go on, go on) yeah yeah
The show must go on (go on, go on, go on)
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On - with the show

The other man looks at him and grins. Flirting is a part of the game between them; Ianto Jones knows he doesn’t have the right to beg for more. So he clenches his teeth, smiles and hopes for the game to finish soon.

Ooh, I'll top the bill, I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the show
On with the show
The show - the show must go on

Fin