its only hurt when I breathe

[morgia]

Title: Its only hurt when I breathe
Parings/characters: Ianto/OC, Jack, mention of Lisa
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters.
Summary: Ianto has to deal with the consequence of his acts...... in a destruction way. 
Spoilers: post cyberwoman
warning: anon sex, semi non-con
Rating: NC-17
Beta:the so awesome   thrace_adams
Genre: big bad angst, with some comfort 
Note from the author: Creation, its a part of destruction and imagination. This is the result of a idea that didn't wanted leave me alone. Bonne lecture

 

 

Its only hurts when I breathe……

 

 

A breath against his neck, fingers roughly touching his skin, a cock deep inside him: Ianto Jones closes his eyes, squeezes his fists, restrains the sob and prays for the redemption that never comes. Another night, another stranger, another bad shag in a dark alley like an eternal and suffering nightmare. I can’t breathe… Lisa… Jack They are gone, all gone… All  my fault…. Ianto Jones knows too well he can’t forget or forgive himself so he closes his eyes, squeezes his fists, restrains the sob in his throat and prays for his redemption that never comes. The man moans in his ear, he’ll come soon. He pushes Ianto firmly against the brick wall, groans and collapses with jolt on the young man. Ianto didn’t come, he just felt the pain: in his body and his soul. But for a moment, for a subtle and fragile moment he feels alive. In a dark alley, in cold arms Ianto Jones searches for a portion of happiness, begs silently for  a piece of love. The man puts on his trousers, caress Ianto’s ass and murmurs on his ear:

“You have a gorgeous ass…. Thanks for the ride.....”

Ianto Jones swallows his bitterness, restrains the scream in his throat and smiles at the stranger.

“My pleasure.”

But when the man leaves his space, he feels like he has just dove into  cold water, all his fears and regrets hold him tightly. Death… They all died because of you….Even Jack doesn’t want you anymore… The voice in his head tortures him, he knows too well it’s true. But this time, Ianto Jones doesn’t close his eyes, squeeze his fists, restrain the sob in his throat or pray for the redemption that never comes. He grasps the stranger’s arm.

“Don’t go…..”

The man looks at him with surprise.

“What? You want more? I’m sorry, I have to go, my wife is waiting for me at home.”

Ianto Jones knows it’s insane, but he can’t let him go: he’s afraid, he doesn’t want to be alone.

“Stay… please….”

The stranger laughs loudly and looks at him with disgust.

“Who do you think you are? You’re begging me now? You are just a slut, a gorgeous slut with a gorgeous ass, but you are nothing to me. So leave me alone!”

Ianto Jones knows he should not beg like this for some attention, for some small piece of tenderness. But the hole in his heart is so deep that he’s afraid to fall and never breathe normally again. When he closes his eyes he sees the dead waiting for him.

“DON’T! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!” His desperate scream echoes through the darkened alley.

The stranger reacts to the scream, his entire body tenses and he looks at Ianto with anger. He punches him firmly in his stomach. Ianto Jones bends over with the pain, but he doesn’t let go of the man’s arm.

“STAY!”

The stranger feels the panic rise up in him now, he doesn’t know what to do. So he does the only thing that seems right for him: he fights with all the force and the cowardliness he has. Each times his fists punch Ianto Jones, he grasps more firmly to the stranger’s arm. The pain is everywhere, the sob explodes in his throat and exits his lips like an animal cry.

“I didn’t want it….. I swear…..I didn’t want them to  die…..Forgive me! FORGIVE ME!!!”

The stranger doesn’t understand why he says that, he just wants to leave, he doesn’t see how the young man is broken. Ianto Jones is a like a broken discarded  doll and nobody seems to see him.

“Love me, hold me…. Don’t leave me alone…..”

The voice is like a weak murmur, almost like a flutter of butterfly wings, but nobody hears it. Then, the punches stop, the arm is gone, Ianto Jones is alone in a dark and cold alley. He curls on himself, a sad smile on his face. Alone…

“Jones, Ianto Jones…. You’ll never be alone.”

Strong arms hold him, warm breath caresses his neck, and a soft voice comforts him.

“Leave me Jack… I don’t deserve you… Hate me…please….”

“Never…”

“Jack….please…”

“I heard you…. I’m here now…..”

He tries to resist for a moment, to not fall for him. But, the arms hold him even more tightly, the strong and warm body presses against him and he knows, deep inside him,  that Jack Harkness forgives him. So, Ianto Jones closes his eyes, grasps desperately at his Captain’s coat, screams and prays for the redemption that maybe this time will come.

 

FIN