Never trust a squirrel in love......

[morgia]

Title: Never trust a squirrel in love
Parings/characters: Ianto/Jack, Gwen/Rhys, squirrel/OC
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters.
Summary: Love is in the air......
Spoilers: somewhere in season 2, but any reference
warning: crack/fic, humour and a litle bit of angst
Rating: nc-17 (just to be certain because mention of sex)
Beta:the so talented and gorgeous frakkin_addict.
Note from the author: This is the result of the insane discussion with the fabulous mrsalempabout squirrels and her squirrel stone garden she has in her garden. Its a brithday fic for her. Also, this fic have been wrote in a very stressed moment (Im a teach in a high school) and I really have doubts about my capacity to write in English (Im a french canadian). My poor Beta had to deal with my crazy nature. So for your patience frakkin_addict, thank you very much.

Never trust a squirrel in love…….

“Love… A little word for a big and mysterious emotion… We need it, we cry for it, we fight for it, some could kill for it… People can do stupid thing for love…”

“Hoo yes, let me show you what I can do to you Jones Ianto Jones…”

The image of the perfect beauty; the form of the pure love, it’s what the ball of fur sees in front of him. In the middle of the garden, like a nymph in her glorious beauty, she just appeared in front of him. He has to restrain himself from jumping on the object of all his desires. He has to be careful; he doesn’t want to scare his future lover. So he tries to calm the shivers that run everywhere inside him. He silences the happy scream in his heart and prances towards her. She doesn’t move; she continues to look at him with her beautiful cold eyes. He seems to burn inside, time stops, the sun shines just for them. He’s just in front of her now; she’s still quiet, she doesn’t move. (HELLO reader!!! What a great surprise, how are you today? I’m fine thank you, not very happy to see winter coming, but my smile still stays on. So, what’s new since the last time you came around? What? Another birthday? But why are you always having Birthdays? *sigh* Ok, who is it this time? What? Mrsalemp? The crazy one who likes to take pictures of air balloons? Humm, yes, I know her. Anyway, I have to tell you what happened two days ago when I went to the supermarket and I met this weird guy in front of the bananas and then… WHAT? Haaaa you are so irritating sometimes! What is it now? You want to read the story you came for? And me? *tries to restrain a sob* No, don’t try to excuse yourself, the harm is done now. I’ll silence myself… On with the show…) With feverish excitation, he puts his nose against her. He feels her, he smells her, he has the sensation of flying to the moon. She doesn’t move, so he takes her silence as consent. He holds her nervously with his little arms. She doesn’t move and he loves more and more her quiet presence. Does he have the impudence to push for a kiss? He shivers at the idea of tasting her beautiful and cold fur But just at the moment he thinks he’s brave enough to do it, he sees two big shadows walk towards them. Two big giants look for them. Terror explodes inside him; the panic takes him like a wave. He looks at her and sees that she doesn’t move; she just looks at him with her beautiful eyes. They have to get away before the monsters take them. So he takes her by the hand and begins to run. But she’s so heavy, she does nothing to help, she doesn’t move, she just looks at him with her beautiful eyes. The monsters are there now. A big, giant woman looks at them and seems to laugh. He has to save his lover; he has to bring her to a safe place. Then, like a nightmare, he sees the giant woman takes his lover. He hates himself in this moment; he’s coward. He runs and leaves his lover alone with the two giants. With tears in his eyes, he sees the giant woman takes her away from him. She still doesn’t move; she’s perfect in her immobility. Then, at the moment his heart breaks, he makes the promise to rescue her. With a scream he yells all his despair: revenge !!! (Of course, the sound that exits his little mouth - it’s more like squeak, but it’s the most sad and heart-rending squeak that a squirrel in love ever made.)

“Hooo looks Rhys, the little squirrel is so cute; he looks like he’s trying to yell at us!”

“I hate squirrels. I don’t understand why you’re bringing that awful stone garden squirrel with you today. Leave it there in the garden.”

“It’s a present for Ianto, for his new place. Every garden has to have stone garden squirrel.”

“If you said so. But don’t bring him my garden gnome!”

“I never do that my love, never.”

Their laughter explodes in the air. Gwen kisses her husband with a smile brightening her lips and then she moves away. In her bag, the stone garden squirrel stands quietly. She doesn’t see the angry squirrel behind who follows her.

***********

“Ianto? What’s that? It’s totally awful!”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhh, Jack, Gwen gave it to me; it’s a present for my new place.”

“But Ianto, it’s totally ugly!”

“JACK! It’s a gift, and I think it’s cute.”

“But, but… What are you gonna do with this thing?”

“It’s for my garden.”

“What? Why?”

“Because… because… Let’s just say that it’s sort of a decoration…”

“What? Then put up a scarecrow - at least it’s useful for something!”

The young man sighs; he hesitates between laughter and exasperation. He loves the man in front of him so much that sometimes it hurts. A soft laugh is born inside his throat and exits like butterflies on his lips. He feels happy; he knows the source of the happiness.

“Jack, you are such an idiot sometimes, but you are my idiot…”

His lips softly kiss the older man and he has to restrain his desire to not jump onto him and rip off all his clothes with a feverish scream like an animal in heat. (Hoooo yes baby, don’t be shy - do it !!! Oups, sorry reader…)

“I’m gonna show you what stupid me can do with your awesome body, Jones…”

“Five at my place?”

“I bring dinner…”

The young man smiles and leaves the office like he’s walking on a cloud. In his pocket, the stone garden squirrel stands quietly. When he exits the Hub, Ianto doesn’t see the ball of fur who waits for him. He doesn’t see the shadow that follows him, he doesn’t care; Ianto Jones is in love. When the traffic light turns to green, he runs to the other side of the street. He has no idea that the danger watches every move that he makes. (In fact, this scene with the traffic light is totally free. I wanted to give you this little scene just for your perverted side. See how much I know you? Ok, so, take this scene again but in slow motion. …he runs to the other side of the street… His perfect buttocks move suddenly with the run; each step accentuating their gorgeous curves. Up and down, his deliciously firm buttocks push against gravity like a dirty dance. His tight trousers mould perfectly to his glorious bottom. Each step is like another step in heaven….. HEY YOU! Yes you! Please, close your mouth. Pervert!)

**************

Ianto Jones is sitting on his couch listening to jazz music, a glass of scotch in the hand. He likes these moments when he can just enjoy the present. He loses himself in the music; the voice of the singer rocks him. A smile dances on his lips; he’s satisfied with his life. Then, he remembers Gwen’s present. He stands up and goes to take it from his pocket.

“Hello little squirrel, you’re not ugly. Don’t listen to Jack, he’s just an idiot.”

With a grin he walks toward his door to go into his garden.

“Look, I’ll put you in a nice green spot. You are a lucky squir…”

He has no time to finish his sentence when a ball of fur jumps on his head. Suddenly pain explodes in his forehead and for a moment his vision is blurred.

“What the f…”

He tries to hit the thing on his head but the ball of fur jumps on his back and sinks its claws into his skin. The young man screams; he doesn’t understand what is going on. He feels a hot liquid flow down his face; he’s confuse. In his hand, the stone garden squirrel stands quietly, her beautiful eyes fixed on the squirrel that attacks the young man. At this moment, the ball of fur sees her and in a majestic jump, tries to rescue her. (Ok, I know, poor Ianto, the squirrel is bad with him. But, I just want to remind you, dear reader, that the bad squirrel is completely in love! And all squirrels can do stupid things for love… Hoooo love is in the air!!! You are supposed to hear the song right now, you know, Hoooo love is in the air!!! I think it’s a disco song…) Then, at the moment the fangs enter his hand, he sees the famous Captain Jack Harkness in front of him and he knows all it gonna be alright. The older man hits the squirrel hard with a take out bag. The ball of fur flies through the air in a spectacular jump. In his little arms he holds his lover passionately, her beautiful cold eyes staring at him. He knows everything’s going to be all right now; he’s with her. They land roughly to the ground, both enlaced. He kisses her passionately and he knows he’s the luckiest squirrel in the world to have a fabulous lover like her. He just hopes that one day she’s going to abandon her silence. But a squirrel in love can wait an eternity.

The young man feels weak, only two strong arms stop him from falling to the ground.

“Jack…”

“Shhh… I’m here now… It’s over.”

“I… I don’t understand… The squirrel…”

The older man stares as the two squirrels embrace at the end of the garden and he smiles.

“Even ball of fur can do stupid things for love… C’mon, let me get you inside. I’ll take care of you.”

“Jack, I lov…”

Warm lips silence him and Ianto understands that there is no need to use words - love is in the air. (Hooooooooo love is in the air!!! Thank you, thank you! The show is over, get out my way. WHAT??? You are still here? What do you want? Which scene? YOU ARE ALL SO PERVERTED. THEY DON’T SHAG LIKE BUNNIES ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW! Ok, maybe yes… See you next time and HAPPY BIRTHDAY mrsalemp )

La fin (for see the famous squirrel that inspired this story link over there: the famous stone garden squirrel hooo and because Im so certain you want this song in your head and because like Ianto

mrsalempis a genius with google link here: love is in the air by JB

the so funny freekydj made a picture story with my fic !!! here