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Shhhhh…. Close your eyes Ianto Jones, it’s not a dream…
In Ianto’s bedroom
The shine of the moon is the only light in the bedroom. Two men are lying naked, one is deeply asleep, the other watches him as if the world would fall apart soon. He softly caresses his hair, kisses his tender lips when the sleeper moans in his reverie. He keeps away the nightmares, tonight Jack Harkness is the guardian of Ianto’s soul. Earlier, he thought he had lost him, he felt the chills rock him and squeeze his heart until the world turned to darkness. He knows the horror of losing the one you love, to see your world blow up and knowing there is no turning back. Jack is always the only one who is left behind; there is no mercy for him. He sighs, Ianto is still alive, and he’s not alone anymore.
Three hours before
In the SUV nobody speaks. It has been a long and terrifying night for everybody, they all need some comfort and sleep. In the back seat, Toshiko and Gwen hold hands. With this little act they give each other what they need: the certitude they are not alone, there will be always someone to take care of them. Owen’s face is turned to the window, he looks exhausted, all he needs is a good shag and a lot of alcohol. But without anybody seeing, he puts his fingers onto Gwen’s hand beside him, and caresses the soft and warm skin. This little touch gives him comfort, he feels alive. In the front seat, Jack keeps his hands on the wheel and his eyes on the road. Beside him, Ianto Jones seems to sleep, but he’s not. He tries to control the shivers that shake his body violently. He doesn’t want to look weak; he doesn’t want to be the victim. So he closes his eyes and tries very hard to focus on his breathing, to chase the pictures of the three men out his mind, to hang on to the sensation of freedom and power when Jack kissed him before. But was it really real? Maybe it was just an illusion….
After taking all the others home, Jack drives to Ianto’s flat. He looks at him; he’s so pale, so tired, so beautiful in his fragility. All he wants is to hug him and whisper into his ear that it’s all gonna be all right, that he will always protect him. He restrains himself, Ianto Jones is a proud man, he would never show anyone that he can fall. So, Jack keeps his hands on the wheel and his eyes on the road.
In Ianto’s flat
“You need a shower…. And a good night’s sleep….”
“Come one Ianto, I will help you.”
“I don’t need help thank you si…. Jack.”
The young man walks slowly toward the bathroom, each step bringing him to the edge of collapsing. He doesn’t want to show his weakness to his captain, so he bites his lip and concentrates on his balance. In the bathroom, he closes the door and sighs in pain. This is ridiculous I should let him help….. Ianto Jones never asks for help, Ianto Jones is a strong man. He puts away his clothes, his hands shaking, his mind a blur, only stopping for a painful sob that tries to blow up his throat. Now naked, he enters the shower and lets the water caresses his body. He puts his hands on the wall, to help him to stand. He takes the bar of soap, and begins to wash himself. It’s like all his energy goes away, like the bar soap is heavy stone. All his movements are slow and painful. At the moment the bar of soap slips out his hand, Ianto Jones breaks inside. The moan is a long agony. Tears fall on his cheeks, burning his eyes, his legs betray him and he collapses to the floor. It’s like an open wound tearing deep inside him, like the world ends at this moment. Suddenly strong hands take him and stand him up. In the darkness, he feels warmth skin on his body, arms holding him firmly. Jack…… The older man says nothing, he just holds his young lover, knowing that what he needs right now is his presence, his strength. Two men stand in the shower, the immensity around them, fighting in an embrace the sadness of the world. Ianto shakes violently, crying out all his pain that was trapped for so long. Jack holds him until his muscles hurt, until there are no tears to fall, no more screams to yell.
“Jack…. I’m sorry…..”
“Shhhhh…… never say that Ianto Jones….”
“I’m here Ianto…. I’ll always be there to catch you when you fall….”
In Ianto’s bedroom
The shine of the moon is the only light in the bedroom. Two men are lying naked, one is deeply asleep, the other watches him as if the world would fall apart soon. In a soft groan, the younger man turns around and snuggles his face into his lover’s neck. His warm breath caresses the other man’s skin. A ball of fire explodes inside him at this contact. Jack has to restrain a tear not to fall. He kisses his young lover’s mouth tenderly, holds him close to feel his naked body, to feel alive. Jack Harkness has made a promise to himself, he will never leave Ianto Jones alone anymore……